"Seas of Cheese" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) When the going gets tough and the stomach acids flow The cold wind of conformity is nipping at your nose When some trendy new atrocity has brought you to your knees Come with us we'll sail the Seas of Cheese "Here Come The Bastards" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) Here they come, here come the bastards, I heard it from a confident Who heard it form a confidant, they're definitely on their way There's one with this idea Something about a hammer head shark, nosehairs and flatus Best keep your distance because here they come, here come the bastards Bury your head deep in the sand, anonyminity is a virtue in this day and age Amazing hand dexterity, flagrant misuse of security Better run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, here they come. "Sgt. Baker" m. Les Claypool, Todd Huth, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) Sgt. Baker is my name, I'm gonna teach you how to play the game of warfare Suddenly it appears to me, you got a bit much dignity for your own good, boy Yes sir, yes sir. I will rape your personality, pummel you with my own philosophy Strip you of your self-integrity to make you all a bit like me, I said right, left Sgt. Baker here again and if you calls me "Puddin' Tame," I'll stomp you down, boy Steers and Queers, Steers and Queers Where you come from there's just steers and queers And you ain't got no horns, boy, yes sir, yes sir I will rape your personality, pummel you with my own philosophy Strip you of your self-integrity to make you all a bit like me, I said right, left "American Life" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) In a town in southernmost Sicily, lived a family too proud to be poor In the year that fever took father away, they hastened for American shores Now a mother and her son are standing in line, it's a cold day on Ellis Isle And they look to the Statue of Liberty, for the boy we have American Life Ong is a Laotian refugee, he works in the audio trade The smoke from flux is filling his lungs, he's earning minimum wage Spending spare time down on San Pablo Ave. Once a week gets a woman for the night And he writes home tales of prosperity, for the boy we have American Life Bob is an unemployed veteran, born and bred in the South Bronx He's living off the streets down in east L.A., residing in a cardboard box Now he plays a little quit and he has a small dog, searching for aluminum cans And he hold on tight to his dignity, he was born into American Life "Jerry Was A Race Car Driver" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991), They Can't All Be Zingers (2006) Jerry was a race car driver and he drove so goddamned fast He never did win no checkered flag, but he never did come in last Jerry was a race car driver, he'd say "El solo number one" With a bocephus sticker on his 442 he'd light 'em up just for fun Captain Pierce was a fireman, Richmond engine #3 I'll be a wealthy man when I get, a dime for all the things that man taught to me Captain Pierce was a strong man, strong as any man alive It stuck in his craw that they, made him retire at the age of 65 Jerry was a race car driver, 22 years old Had too many cold beers one night and wrapped himself around a telephone pole. "Eleven" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) I just can't seem to blend into society I have no hope for this dim, simplicity of law and order By whose rules I see no rhyme in the reason I hold no hope for this holy treason of love and so soft By whose standards they tell me, they tell me, who are they, who is they "Is It Luck?" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) My socks and shoes always match, is it Luck? There's a foot at the end of each of my legs, is it Luck? I can play my bass for you, is it Luck? Some gals like to kiss my face, is it Luck? Is it Luck? There was food inside your mouth today, is it Luck? Your barber cuts your hair just so, is it Luck? When the taste of sex is on your lips, is it Luck? Is it Luck? Cyanide works oh so fast, is it Luck? Polyester makes you sweat, is it Luck? If a graham cracker gets you off, is it Luck? Love. Love? Is it Luck? Is it Luck? "Grandad's Little Ditty" l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) As I stand here in the shower singing opera and such Pondering the possibility that I pull the pud too much There's a scent that fills the air, is it flatus? Just a touch And it makes me think of you "Tommy The Cat" m. Les Claypool, Todd Huth, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Suck On This! (1990), Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991), Rhinoplasty (1998), They Can't All Be Zingers (2006) "I remember as it were a meal ago" Said Tommy the Cat as he reeled back to clear whatever foreign matter May have nestled its way into his mighty throat. Many a fat alley rat had met its demise while staring point blank Down the cavernous barrel of this awesome prowling machine. Truly a wonder of nature this urban predator. Tommy the cat had many a story to tell But it was a rare occasion such as this that he did. "She came slidin' down the alleyway like butter drippin' off a hot biscuit. The aroma, the mean scent Was enough to arouse suspicion in even the oldest of Tigers That hung around the hot spot in those days. The sight was beyond belief. Many a head snapped for double - even triple - takes As this vivacious feline made her her way into the delta of the alleyway Where the most virile of the young tabbys were known to hang out. They hung in droves. Such a multitude of masculinity could only be found in one place... And that was O'Malley's Alley. The air was thick with cat calls (no pun intended) But not even a muscle in her neck did twitch As she sauntered up into the heart of the alley. She knew what she wanted. She was lookin' for that stud bull, the he cat. And that was me. Tommy the Cat is my name and I say unto thee... "Say baby do you wanna lay down by me" "Sathington Waltz" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) "Those Damn Blue Collar Tweekers" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991), They Can't All Be Zingers (2006) I've seen them out at Soco, they're pounding sixteen penny nails The truckers on the interstate have been known to ride the rails The sweat is beating on the brow can't keep these fellas down 'Cause those damned blue-collared tweekers are runnin' this here town I knew a man who hung drywall, he hung it mighty quick A trip or two to the blue room, would help him do the trick His foreman would pat him on the back, whenever he would come around 'Cause these dammed blue-collar tweekers are beloved in this here town Now the union boys are there to protect us from all the corporate type While curious George's drug patrol is out here hunting snipe Now they try to tell me different but you know I ain't no clown 'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers are the backbone of this town Now the flame that burns twice as bright, burns only half as long My eyes are growing weary as I finalize this song So sit back and have a cup o' joe and watch the wheels go round 'Cause those damned blue-collar tweekers have always run this town "Fish On (Fisherman's Chronicles Chapter II)" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) Felt a pang late one afternoon I was fishin' off Muir beach with Larry LaLonde Grabbed a tuna salad sandwich and I started to chew Pretty soon Ler's yellin' "Fish on. Fish on." I was just a little pup and it was derby day Was dad and me and Darrell out in San Pablo bay Taco flavored Doritos and my orange life vest Dad caught a hundred pound sturgeon on twenty-pound test Now he fought that fish for an hour and a half Darrell'd say "Jump ya sons a bitch!" and he grabbed for the gaff When we got him in the boat, he measured six feet long I was so danged impressed I had to write a song called "Fish On" T'was a bright and sunny day, it was me and Todd Huth Fishin' shark and stingray out of Bohuas Lagoon Well hey, hey, hey I'll be screwed, blued and tatooed Looks like I got me one of them, Fish on. Fish on. "Los Bastardos" m. Les Claypool, Larry Lalonde, Tim "Herb" Alexander l. Les Claypool Sailing The Seas of Cheese (1991) Shut up you Bastards!.... You just called me a bastard, didn't you?